Science: Mask Your Computer to Protect it Against Viruses
A new study by Computers Daily has found that covering your computer with a face mask can protect it against computer viruses.
As the world races for a cure against COVID-19, a new study by computer-nerd blog Computers Daily has found that putting a face mask on your laptop or desktop will decrease the chances of it catching a virus.
"We're still waiting on the results of COVID-19-infected computers, but we can guarantee -- over-guarantee, actually, the test results came back 110% positive -- that putting a face mask over your computer's screen will protect it against a common computer virus," said computer-nerd/scientist Jules Arnon. "We found that file infectors, browser hijackers, overwrite viruses, network viruses and every other kind of malware were completely unable to get past the fabric material of a face mask and infect the computer."
The results were true of all face masks, the study found, including N95 respirators, surgical masks, construction masks and homemade fabric masks. Neither did it matter, the study also found, whether the computer was connected to the internet by wifi or Ethernet.
"Personally, I prefer to cover my screen with a homemade mask my mom made," said Computer Daily Disc Manager Matthew Gibralty. "It adds a bit of personalization and, really, just makes it look cool...while protecting it against unwanted viruses, of course. While a computer doesn't have a face the mask still wears the same.
"At first, I tried to wrap the mask's elastic bands around the four corners of the computer screen," he explains. "But I found it was actually quite difficult to do. So I wrapped them around the sides of the screen and held them together with paper clips instead." It blocks the screen a bit, he notes, "but it's a worthwhile cost to protecting the computer against malware. Trust me, that stuff is a pain to get rid of after a computer gets infected."
The results of this study come as many cities and private businesses have begun implementing mandatory facemasks indoors to slow the spread of COVID-19.
"Computers are just like humans," says Arnon. "So, really, it makes perfect sense to mask them up. The best part is," she concludes, "they don't b**** about wearing them."
*All studies, names and quotes in this article have been made up. Actually, this entire article is satire and should be taken as such