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Loren’s Got a Hands-Free Phone

I’ve been wanting one for a while and I finally have one — a hands-free phone. I found it in the garbage so it was free and it doesn’t work, but what a difference it makes. No more weird looks when I start talking to myself. Admit it, we all do. Try describing what you do during a day without naming your profession. I’ve spent more than 40 years walking around in a small padded room with one window and a heavy door talking to myself. It comes naturally. Here’s a look at some of the interesting topics I’ve discussed with myself recently.

What do you talk about when you talk to yourself?


graduate
Vstock LLC Townsquaremedia

1

GED

 

 

Do people who have gotten GEDs have reunions?

 

ghost
legna69 townsquaremedia

2

Ghosts

 

 

Why is it that so many of these so-called photos of ghosts show them wearing clothes? Is it possible we get to keep the suit or dress we’re buried in for future use?

 

Woman trying to sleep
Alex Bramwell Townsquaremedia

3

Bedding

 

 

I had quite a conversation with myself on this topic. You can order bedding and pillows online. They claim you can try it out for 60 days and then return it if you’re not satisfied. So, you send that pillow you’ve slept on for two months back to the dealer. What do they do with it? I’m sure curious about this. Or maybe I don’t want to know.

 

electric generator
Ingram Publishing townsquaremedia

4

Sales

 

 

Recently I wondered out loud what it would be like to sell just one commercial for the big football game. Could you retire on the commission? Here’s another tough sale for a top-notch salesman to make. Say you sell emergency generators. Do you think you could convince the customer to spend an extra $50 if you told them it came with electric start? Think about it.

 

Businessman, isolated on white background
g_studio Townsquaremedia

5

Dressing up for visits

 

 

Perhaps you’re like I am. Before visiting a loved on in a nursing home or hospital I’ll stop at home and dress up a bit. Wait a minute. What if you’re a mortician? You could cause a real buzz entering one of the above in your business suit, tie and white shirt. Do funeral directors go home and dress down into jeans and a T-shirt before visiting a nursing home or hospital?

 

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