Drivers Training: Slow Keeps Me Steady

Today, Feb. 17, marks the anniversary of the first time sardines were canned. Julius Wolf of Maine garnered the honors in 1876. Someone actually wrote the date for this down?

Color television was demonstrated for the first time on this date in 1938 in London.

Feb. 17 also marks the 81st anniversary of high school drivers training courses. Drivers training was first offered on this date in State College, Pa.

Drivers training turned out to be a topic discussed recently with my wife. I'm the little old man hunched over the wheel that you swear at and then pass. I come from a long line of slow drivers. As a young lad, I can remember my dad behind the wheel and my grandpa in the back seat yelling out in his Norwegian dialect, "yunior, yunior, slow down before you get us all killed!" My dad would then ease off the gas and drop back down from 45 to 40 mph.

My wife? She's the opposite. Pedal to the metal and here we go! We have an unwritten arrangement, she drives and I fall asleep in the passenger seat. If I don't sleep, I tend to let out little gasps and whines, and this really gets her mad. However, recently due to circumstances I had to take the wheel with her riding, and she didn't sleep.

Loren, the speed limit's 70. OK, I'm doing 65 ... 70 doesn't mean you have to drive 70!

Those cars are gonna run over you! The nearest car is almost a mile away.

Twice she told me to turn left while pointing to the right. (I'm a little worried about this.) She asks me what they taught me about freeway driving in drivers training. Freeway driving? I grew up on a farm in northern Wisconsin. The nearest freeway was 30 miles away! She couldn't believe that my drivers training didn't include freeway driving. In fact my hometown didn't get a stop light until 10 years or so after I had my license.

We get to the airport safely and now I face the drive back. I've got to use my head or she'll drive me nuts. Aha! I've got it! We've only had the car a few weeks. Dear, I'm a little chilly, could you take a look at all those heater buttons and get it to kick out a little more heat? It works. She fiddles around and I tell her, a little more heat, no, a little less. Well, it got her off my driving for a few minutes. Dear, this car should have heated seats, can you find the button to make them work? This got us to Lakeville.

Dear, this car should have an AM radio besides FM; do you know how to change it? She's back to fiddling with buttons. I made it to Faribault with no comments or complaints on my driving. I'm close enough to home now that I can accidentally turn up the radio volume on the steering wheel when she opens her mouth.

We're home and hopefully from now on we'll be able to get back to her driving and me sleeping. Driving with the wife riding once a year is more than enough for this guy.